Man this week has been one of the toughest weeks I have had since being back home in Ethiopia for the last 3 months. Our little one Abraham decided to run back to the streets. He has done this before and we have went and got him after a day or so. This time it was a different approach that HE whispered in our ears. HE told us to wait and trust that HE would be doing something in Abraham’s heart that hasn’t taken place before. This is the first time Abraham has ran to the streets since he invited JESUS into his heart.
I wanted so badly to run and get him and bring him back home but as I cried rivers of tears not understanding why I had to wait; I would hear over and over again this whisper tell me “Carmen you know who I am and you know my promises. Let me have your son that I have chosen for you for just a little time. He is mine now and I love him more than you do.”
My Father always amazes me with the situations HE uses to grow me and shape me. This would be one of those. As I missed my son deeply I began to reminisce on who I was when I was his age. I was just like this little boy that GOD had chosen for our family. I was broken, I was helpless, I was a runaway, I felt abandoned with no purpose.
As much as I love this boy he brings great challenge to me daily because he is so much like who I was at the age of 11. When I look at Abraham I see myself, so much of myself that it hurts. All the things this little one is doing to me I too did them to my mom. This brings up hurt and pain in my heart because I see tenfold what I did to my mom. Not only do I see it but I feel it to the deepest levels of my inner being. Not being Abraham’s biological mom allows the enemy to reside where our love stands just as it did with my adopted mom. I would yell at her and scream you are not my “REAL” mom when I would get mad. I would runaway and be gone for weeks or months at a time with her not knowing where I was. What a selfish and hurt kid I was.
I went to Trent who was lying in the bed and asked him what we should do and I shared all the pain of what I was feeling now having a teenage runaway of my own. I just cried and cried. He said “well Carmen what did your mom do for you?” My heart longing to talk to my mom face to face and ask her “MOM WHAT DO I DO”; I realized I already knew the answer because my mom lived it out daily in my life. She loved me unconditionally no matter the words I yelled at her with disgust, she believed in me when I never had an ounce of faith in myself and she never gave up on me.
Mom I thank you for loving me just as I was for rescuing from the craziness of my life and adopting me. I thank you for paving a road of preparation for me as I now am a mother to many that are not biologically mine. You will never know mom the impact that you have made in my life. I hope that every time you think of me and this CRAZY journey that HE has us on that I am living it out loud because of you.
Today as Trent and the kids were about to leave the compound I noticed the car backing down the driveway. I wondered why they were coming back. They got out of the car and yelled “we saw Abraham.”
I ran across the street with horns honking at me. I didn’t care I just wanted to hug my little one. I could hear footsteps running behind me they were Kiki’s she was excited to see him too. Belay had already ran up the other way to catch him. There he was dirty with no shoes and the smell of gas reeking as if he had gotten it spilt all over him. (this was from him huffing gas forteh past week)
I grabbed him and held him in my arms and whispered BETAM EWDEHALEW (I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH). He whispered “ME TOO.”
The last conversation I had with Abraham was asking him if he knew that I loved him. His answer was “I don’t know.” I then responded what can I do my son so that you will know this in your heart forever. He didn’t have much t say.
Today as him, Belay and I sat talking he said that last night he couldn’t sleep and all he could think about was the question I had asked him about knowing that I love him. He said in his heart in that moment that he knew that I loved him and he missed me and wanted to see my face. He said he was just sitting waiting outside the gate kind of hiding so that he could see my face once again, then he would go back to the streets again. Grateful that Daddy had another plan.
Our sweet Abraham is home and we welcomed him with open arms just as we read about in the bible when the Prodigal Son. I thank you LORD for choosing us and I thank you that your word is as real today as the day it was written.
Please continue to pray for our sweet Abraham!!