In the beginning of this journey I was not too happy about having to home school my kids. After all I wanted to be on the streets here is Addis loving on the street kids. That is what I thought my purpose was. DADDY had a different plan and I am beginning to except and actually like HIS plan. Tears streamed down my face as my 4 year old looks at me and gets so excited because he has 25 words this week (not just 10) that he will learn to sound out and spell. As I hear his words my heart fills with joy and fulfillment. Getting to see your kids grow and learn and GET IT is a gift, a gift that HE has given me during this season. I remember friends of mine that were teachers telling me this exact thing before we moved to Ethiopia. I had no idea what they were talking about but now I GET IT.
I remember discussing my fears with my husband on our first date night here in Addis, describing to him that I don’t know if I can carry this task out. I feel so incapable of doing this. “My kids deserve so much more than I can give him.” “I will just end up ruining them; I do not have the patience.” ” Remember I hated school.” It was fear after fear that came out of my mouth while more tears continued to stream down my cheeks.
Trent looked into my eyes holding my hand and said to me “I am so glad that you are the one that gets this privilege. I would want no one else building up our kids” Of course I laughed out loud and said “yea right.” He tells me he is serious and that I have been given the most important job ever because I am building up our children to be all that GOD has created them to be.
My fears begin to creep in again “ARE YOU SERIOUS GOD YOU WANT TO USE ME TO BE THE MOST INFLUENTIAL PERSON IN MY KIDS LIVES, YOU KNOW ME AND MY WEAKNESSES BUT YET YOU CHOSE ME WHY?”
Kiki and I were talking the other day about school for next year. I asked her Kiki do you want to do home school again next year. Hoping she would possibly say no mom but instead she said YES MOMMY PLEASE!!! I am beginning to understand that my children love being in our home learning having their mommy with them every day. Although it is still foreign ground for me I must say that I am enjoying this time with my babies. I must admit there have been times when I would think about next year and my heart would ache thinking of possibly not being able to teach my children.
YOU GOD have seen the unseen in me and made it the best for my children. To you I am grateful that you take us out of our comfort zones and reveal new parts of us that we never knew were there or remember them being there a very long time ago but have since pushed them so far back that it was as if it didn’t exist at all. Thank you for believing in us when we don’t believe in ourselves. Thank you for my 2 precious gifts Gavin and Kiki. Thank you for the 5 new additions to our family Amellawork, Jerri, Lucy, Belay and Yeshi. I guess I don’t have to go to the streets after all you have them right here in our home with us. Thank you for using those who are not qualified to completely blindside this world. I LOVE YOU and to you be the glory forever and ever AMEN!!
My FATHERS truth is buried in my heart so that I can overcome these doubts that the enemy is lying to me about. “I Carmen can do all things through you LORD who gives me strength” (Philippians 4) The Lord is MY helper HE will never leave me or never will HE forsake me.(Hebrews 13) I am HIS chosen one, HE called me out of darkness into HIS light (1Peter 2)