When we left the states to move to Ethiopia we were so excited and were officially a family of 5.  I can remember the first time someone said that I was like oh my this is real, we are going to have another baby.  This pregnancy would be a little different than my first because now we would share this joy of watching our two children get very excited that they would have a baby brother or sister.  Gavin was excited that he would be a big brother and Kiki was just excited to have a baby to carry around that would be her real live baby doll. There would be something that took place that I did not experience with Gavin.  Around 3 weeks I had severe cramping for a few hours.  It hurt really badly. As if I had some type of air built up in my stomach.  When I stood up there was a ton of pressure. It was such intense pain that I was laid out for a while. Thinking nothing to serious about it, once the pain was tolerable I was up moving again. This was the weekend before we left for Ethiopia.

Once we arrived in Ethiopia a week into it I started to bleed.  Now this was a very hectic time because we were trying to get our house cleaned up so that we could move into it.  I kept up the normal pace the first day of bleeding but after sharing with others of what was going on they said I needed to rest. By this point my body was physically exhausted and I was glad to.  So after a days of rest I thought I was good. The bleeding wasn’t as heavy so I thought everything was ok.

After speaking with a nurse she said it was too early to tell and we would just have to wait and see.  Not once did I think I had lost the baby.  We prayed together and it felt as if time stood still. Could it be? Could I have lost the baby and not know? Why didn’t I know this or do something about it?  The days passed and I just needed to know if I was SAYING GOODBYE BEFORE I EVEN SAID HELLO.

After seeing a Doctor and getting an ultra sound and blood work we found out that we had indeed lost the baby. I was so confused. How could this happen? I was healthy, I took care of myself. What did I do to make this happen? The lies began to pour into my heart.

I had to stand strong on my FATHERS truth and say this verse over and over again.  1Peter 4:12 Dear friends, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal that has come on you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you.  But rejoice in as much as you participate in the sufferings of CHRIST, so that you may be over joyed when HIS glory is revealed.

Through it all Gods plans are perfect and HIS ways are not my ways. I lean on you LORD and your TRUTH when I do not understand.